Chapter 3: I will never sail around the world single-handedly.

I will never sail around the world single-handedly. I will never even try. I have no interest in sailing, plus I get sea sick. The logistics of mopping up vomit and steering at the same time would probably be too complicated.

I look at people like Ellen MacArthur with a distorted sense of admiration and I think to myself, “I have no interest in sailing but the thing I admire about you is that you know exactly what you want to do and who you want to be.”

I confess I have not read Ellen MacArthur’s biography. (I probably will, now.) I can safely predict that she has a Primary Aim, though. What is a Primary Aim? Michael E. Gerber defines the term Primary Aim in The E-Myth Revisted.

What would you like to be able to say about your life after it’s too late to do anything about it? That’s your Primary Aim. (p.137)

When I read The E-Myth Revisited I realised that I did not have a Primary Aim. I began to realise that the permanent sense of disillusionment with my life and disappointment with myself partly stemmed from having no definition of success against which to measure myself. All I had was a set of inflexible and unrealistic rules, like, “I need to do everything perfectly otherwise I am a failure.”

I’ll talk about some of those other unhelpful rules in another chapter but, for the moment, I wanted to share my Primary Aim with you and explain how I wrote it.

Michael E. Gerber asks a series of questions in The E-Myth Revisited (p.139) that help to elicit your Primary Aim. If you have the time, try this exercise yourself.

• What do I wish my life to look like?
• How do I wish my life to be on a day-to-day basis?
• What would I like to be able to say I truly know in my life, about my life?
• How would I like to be with other people in my life – my family, my friends, my business associates, my customers, my employees, my community?
• How would I like people to think about me?
• What would I like to be doing two years from now? Ten years from now? Twenty years from now? When my life comes to a close?
• What specifically would I like to learn during my life – spiritually, physically, financially, technically, intellectually? About relationships?
• How much money will I need to do the things I wish to do? By when will I need it?

Here is my Primary Aim which I wrote in May 2009:

I want to be a good husband, a good father, and ultimately a good grandfather; and I want to create something every day.

I want my life to be safe, secure, comfortable, surrounded by beauty, an example of achievement and commitment, and imbued with artistic integrity.

I want family life and creative expression to come first. I want to enjoy my work; I want it to challenge and excite me.

I want sufficient routine and structure to promote health and emotional and spiritual discipline, and sufficient variety to stimulate and excite my senses.

I will always want to feel the security of a warm, loving relationship; and that I am being all I can be creatively and intellectually.

I want to be constant, reliable, caring, and thoughtful with the people in my life.

I would like people to think of me as a quiet inspiration.

In two years’ time, I would like to be building a home and a business.

In ten years’ time, I would like to be raising a young family in a beautiful home, and pursuing my creative talents.

In twenty years’ time, I would like to be watching my children flourish into adulthood and enjoying a mature, loving marriage.

When my life comes to a close, I would like to be relatively free from pain, surrounded by a loving family and familiar things.

During my lifetime, I would like to learn compassion, and the path of an untroubled mind. I would like to learn respect for my body, how to nurture it, and how to alleviate it from pain. I would like to unlock the true secret of wealth. I would like to develop a deep appreciation of art (especially sculpture, architecture, photography, and painting). And I would like to gain fundamental insights into the human condition. I would like to learn the art of a good marriage, and the art of being a good father and grandfather.

I'll need quite a lot of money to build the house I envisage (maybe £500,000 or more) but then after that maybe £50,000-£100,000 a year or less, reducing over time as I get older.